


it feels like im lost in a dream

by dame_de_la_chance



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Fear of Death, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Male Friendship, Post-Sonic Forces, Shadow And Sonic Are Fucking Friends, literally i don’t know what to tag this as, shadow is blunt about it, they are good friends! will die on that hill!, they just chat a bit bc like. sonic is not ok from. months of fucking torture.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24440023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dame_de_la_chance/pseuds/dame_de_la_chance
Summary: After the war is over, the Resistance decides to throw a party. But parties have never been Shadow’s forte, and when he makes a move to leave, he finds someone else who isn’t having a good time.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 67





	it feels like im lost in a dream

There’s a party.

Of course there’s a party.

The war just ended. For six months, they’ve all been tirelessly fighting in this brutal war against Eggman, trying desperately to win back the land Eggman managed to conquer in the absence of a certain hedgehog.

But they just managed to finally overthrow the tyrant. Of course, there’s so much work to be done. There are cities to rebuild, weapon facilities to dismantle, robots to destroy, a rouge Eggman to find. There’s still so much to do after the final battle, so much of this mess to clean and fix, but the people have all been fighting ceaselessly for months. It’s a time to celebrate for a victory, especially one of this caliber.

Besides, every time there was a world-ending event that got heroically stopped, they always threw a party. Shadow knows because he’s been invited to almost every single one. It’s just a ritual really, to celebrate a victory (usually, because of Sonic) with a small party, to celebrate the fact that they all lived and that good triumphed over evil.

Shadow stuck around for this one. He’s certainly not much of a party person- he loathes the balls GUN sometimes puts together. He’s just not a social creature, and there’s no shame in that.

It’s different, though, because everyone in that base is a friend. Rouge and Omega have even stuck around, but Shadow just doesn’t feel much like celebrating. It doesn’t really feel right, for some reason.

So he stuck around inside for a little bit, trying to appease Rouge and genuinely trying to loosen up and have a bit of fun. But eventually, he gave up, and he found himself wandering outside the base, slipping past his friends into the curtains of night.

Someone’s already outside, sitting idly on a huge slab of scrap metal. They’re swinging their legs absently, staring up at the sky. The moon is waxing and glows in the inky horzon, casting a gentle light upon the land.

Shadow knows that silhouette. It’s Sonic.

He begins to approach, curious. It’s very, very unlike Sonic to detach himself from a crowd, especially one made up of his closest friends. He’s always been exceptionally chatty and friendly, and he loves hanging out with his friends as much as he can. It’s odd to see him all alone when a party is raging behind him. Usually, he is the life of the party.

But then again, they did just rescue him from six months at the hand of his worst enemy. Shadow’s read some of Rouge’s reports, has seen some of the footage they managed to recover while searching for him. People change. He supposed Sonic has.

Sonic doesn’t even look at him when Shadow begins to climb up next to him. “Heya, Shadow. Whatcha doing?”

“What are you doing?” Shadow questions right back. “Don’t you want to hang out with your friends?”

Sonic frowns. “Of course. But I guess I’m just not in the partying mood.”

“That’s a first.”

Sonic laughs. “People change, I suppose. I’ll go back inside in a minute, just need a breather.”

“It’s strange, being near so many people again, isn’t it?”

There’s a quiet pause. This time, Sonic does look over at Shadow. “Yeah. It kind of is.”

Shadow understands. He’s used to being alone, and being in gatherings like these always feels strange to him. “Of course.”

They remain quiet for a little while, just glancing up at the moon together. There’s still a lot of pollution hanging in the air from Eggman’s wretched factories. The stars are hard to spot, appearing dim through the hazy atmosphere. It makes something in Shadow curl.

“Are you alright?” Shadow finally asks. He knows the answer and knows the answer he’ll receive. But he’s been wanting to ask this for a while, ever since Shadow managed to find him and roundhouse kicked that fake Shadow. However, the fight against Eggman and Infinite took priority, and there hadn't been a lull in all the action of fighting against those villains for Shadow to talk to Sonic.

“Oh, I’m fine.” Sonic flashes a grin at Shadow. “Honestly, I’m feeling better than I have in months. There’s no reason to be worried, you softie.”

Shadow doesn’t doubt that, when those last few months were spent in some prison cell up in space. “One doesn’t usually just bounce back from torture.”

Sonic flinches at the word. Around Sonic, everyone has been very careful about their word choice. They tiptoe around the simple fact, careful not to mention it in his presence. But Shadow knows sugarcoating this won’t make it hurt less. It’s better to call it as it is.

“Eh, I’ve handled worse.” Sonic shrugs. “Really, it wasn’t even that bad. The worst part through it all was just hearing Eggman gloat. Yeesh, that man’s an egomaniac! Could never shut up!”

Shadow frowns. “You know, it’s okay if you’re not okay.”

“Oh, I know. Showing vulnerability isn’t weakness, yadda yadda.” Sonic waves a hand. “I’ve always told Tails that, raising him and all. I’ve even told you the same thing.”

“Which is why I’m repeating it. No one expects you to be fine after torture. It’s okay if you’re not.”

“But I am!” Sonic huffs. “Really Shadow, I’m fine. It was just boring, really. Solitary confinement was just boring.”

“Weren’t you scared?”

“Funnily enough, I really wasn’t. Out of everything, that was the fact that made Eggman really angry. I just wasn’t scared.” Sonic hummed. “He could have done whatever he wanted, but it didn’t matter. I knew I could count on you guys.”

“He could have killed you,” Shadow insisted. “Wasn’t that scary?”

“No.”

It’s honest, and that’s the part that really shakes up Shadow. Sonic isn’t lying, he really wasn’t scared for his life. “What? Why?”

Sonic sighs. “When you’ve been fighting Eggman since you were ten, you eventually make peace with the idea that you’re gonna die young. I never thought I’d live past twenty, if I’m gonna be honest. Sometimes I still don’t.”

It’s a sharp admission that twists something in Shadow’s gut. “I’ve been in thousands of near-death situations. There’s plenty of times where Eggman could have killed me. But could have, would have, should have- it doesn’t matter. I’m still kicking. But when I stop, I don’t know, I guess I’ll be at peace. I mean, I’m not you... I’m not meant to live forever.”

Sonic's rambling a bit, thinking out loud. “And that’s fine with me. You know, it’s all about the here and the now. Living in the present. A long life doesn’t matter if you just play it safe all the time, if you don’t live it to the fullest. And I would never be able to live with myself if I just stood idly by while Eggman wreaked havoc- I mean, even ten year old me couldn’t do that. So I’d rather die young fighting for something I believe in than anything else.”

Sonic’s eyes suddenly widen. “I mean, that’s not to say I’m just gonna lie down and die! Trust me, I’ll be fighting until my last breath and stuff. It’s not that when the end comes I’ll give up, it’s just...” Sonic huffs, trying to properly articulate this. “I don’t know. No matter how violent the end is, I guess I’ll be at peace. You know?”

Shadow thinks over his words, quietly. It makes sense, really. It feels odd to hear it straight from his mouth, but it's a perspective Shadow should have expected. Sonic's been fighting practically his entire life, he knows that life is fragile, he's witnessed death first hand (Shadow tries not to think about how he was once one of those deaths). Sonic would never fool himself into thinking he'd manage to outwit every single evil in this world- one day he'll fail. It makes sense to have made peace with that fact.

Sonic glances at Shadow, sheepishly rubbing his neck. "It's a bit morbid, I guess. But hey, when you've been fighting for so long, especially when you were doing it alone, well... you become acquainted with the idea that your survival skills and sheer luck can only hold out for so long." 

Sonic started alone. Shadow’s information over Sonic's life before he met Tails and Knuckles and Amy is a little slim, because it’s only been gleaned from one of the three when they’ve let something slip. But Shadow knows that Sonic started everything alone, that the only person he had to rely on was himself.

And that’s the difference between Sonic and every single person in that room, partying. Because their life in this grand adventure started with Sonic. He brought them into this life, he brought them all together and created a connection between him and them, and he’s made sure they’ve never been alone.

Tails started young, younger than Sonic. But Tails has always had Sonic in his life- Tails has never been alone, at least not for this lifestyle of battling evil. Tails has always had Sonic to rely on. The same goes for Amy and Knuckles. They were never alone during this fight.

Even Shadow didn’t start alone, not really. On the ARK, he had Maria and Gerald and all the other scientists to guide him and love him even when GUN wanted to train him. And when he woke up on Earth, he still had Rouge and Eggman at his side. They weren’t exactly great people, but they were people. He was never alone.

But Sonic didn’t have anyone when he was a plucky ten year old without a voice. All he had were those woodland creatures Eggman kept abducting to turn into robot slaves. All he had was his wit and his speed and his morals, and nothing more. All he had was himself.

Shadow thinks about the other Sonic, the little one. He sometimes thinks about how young that kid is, how small his shoulders and hands are to carry the burden he does. It's kind of frightening how much power one little child has, and it's equally frightening to see how the world depends upon the shoulder of one small but determined child.

Shadow doesn't think of Sonic as fragile. The kid has survived things he really, really shouldn't have. But Sonic isn't infallible, and his luck will run out one day. That plucky ten-year-old has a future that may not last long, a life that may not live to see the fruits of all his sacrifices. And on the day Sonic began his fight for good, he probably came to that same conclusion that his efforts might end up with him dead.

So of course he wasn't afraid when Eggman abducted him, of course he wasn't afraid of the torture. Of course he wasn't fearing for his life like Eggman probably hoped for. Sonic had long ago given up on the idea of living a long life. He has long ago forsaken a life of safety for a life of danger and knew damn well that he was going to die young. He wasn't scared because that was the sort of fate he had expected. To die young at the hands of an enemy.

Sonic stretches his arms. "But hey, enough gloom and doom. It's all about living in the now, and not fretting over an eventuality."

"That's fucked up," Shadow finally says, because fuck, it really is. Sonic's just a kid, just like all of his friends. They're all just a bunch of children trying to do what's right, and it's so fucked up that Sonic doesn't even think twice about dying, isn't even phased at the idea anymore. It's an expectation and eventuality for him. And that's just so fucked up.

Shadow isn't exactly shaken by much anymore. Gore and blood no longer make him squeamish, horror movies don't even phase him, but the image of a ten-year-old child making peace with the fact that he'll be slaughtered by another person for the greater good does make him sick to his stomach.

Sonic hums, absently. "It is what it is."

"But should it be?"

"Probably not." There's a harsh look in Sonic's eyes when he glances back at Shadow. "But I wouldn't have it any other way. I am who I am because of it, and I like who I am. And I definitely wouldn't want anyone else to take my place." 

Sonic stands up, stretching. "But seriously, this is getting super dark. Let's head back to the party, huh?" Sonic rubbed his nose. "They all worked super hard on this, and I'd hate to let it all go to waste just because we'd rather sit out here and talk about the unstoppable march of death."

Shadow definitely does not feel like partying now. But there's an expectant look in Sonic's eyes, almost pleading with him. He offers out his hand, and Shadow takes it because Shadow will always take Sonic's hand and will always follow him when asked. Shadow knows that he promised to protect this world, but that is Sonic's job, and Shadow has resigned himself to the idea of simply being the protector of Sonic, who protects the world. Shadow is content with being Sonic's shadow, but he clearly hasn't been doing a good enough job, considering all that's happened as of late.

Sonic pulls him up to his feet and offers him a quiet smile. It's not like those cocky, smug grins he likes to flash or those boisterous smiles he plasters on when he's laughing. It's gentle and has a hidden depth to it. "Hey, thanks for listening. I didn't mean to bore you with my, uh, existential crisis."

"We're friends," Shadow states, quietly. It's a fact that Shadow is usually rather hard-pressed to admit out loud, but he knows it to be true. Sonic has earned that title, rightfully so, and has long ago earned Shadow's loyalty and respect. "I'm always here to listen. I know these things aren't exactly topics you'd want to share with your eight-year-old brother."

Sonic nods. "You're a good person, Shadow." Sonic grabs his wrist and begins to drag him from their spot on the metal scrap heap. "Now, come on! I bet I can fit way more marshmallows in my mouth than you!"

Shadow lets himself get dragged off. He thinks about that quiet smile, and he makes himself a silent promise to protect it. There's no way to preserve innocence in this world, especially not for someone like Sonic, who's lost it so long ago and probably can't even remember a time when there wasn't this constant fight of good vs evil. He's seen too much blood and evil and death to make that sort of promise feasible.

But Sonic's still kind and gentle despite it all. And Shadow will always remain at his side to make sure he can keep it that way. He's going to make sure that ten-year-old who believes in the good of this world so much he was willing to lay down his life for it won't get smothered by the evil of this world. And he'll make sure Sonic will live a long, long life and will make that ten year old proud.

He’s failed him once, letting him get abducted. He won’t fail him again.

**Author's Note:**

> im like years late but i finally played sonic forces (by that i mean watched someone on YouTube play it for the cutscenes) and oooooh boy i have a lot of feelings. 
> 
> anyway i was loosing my mind at how easily they just straight up said sonic was fucking tortured and then immediately after rescuing him from that torture (which.... sonic also kinda just rescued himself.....?) they send him on a fucking mission!!! the guy was tortured!!!! idk that’s a little fucked up!!!
> 
> very interesting to me that multiple times throughout the game sonic mentions getting “payback” or revenge against Eggman/infinite...... hm


End file.
